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Getting in touch with my inner 13 year-old girl: “Twilight” (for BondGirl)
One of my coworkers—who happens to have a name that would be perfect for a Connery-era James Bond movie—has been bugging me to review Twilight. This is my punishment for being sociable to the people I...
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Who let the dogs out? “New Moon” (for Barry)
Because if you read my review of Twilight you know it sure as hell wasn’t for me. As a matter of fact, until Barry requested it, reviewing this movie ranked just below “being waterboarded and/or...
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REPOST: “Twilight”
[In anticipation of my review of The Twilight Series: Eclipse I'm posting my original reviews of Twilight and New Moon. Twilight was posted on April 26, 2009.] One of my coworkers—who happens to have a...
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REPOST: “New Moon”
[In anticipation of my review of The Twilight Series: Eclipse I'm posting my original reviews of Twilight and New Moon. New Moon was posted on December 6, 2009 and was dedicated "For Barry."] Because...
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No relief in sight: “The Twilight Series: Eclipse”
Wait a minute…there’s gotta be some kind of mistake here. A new Twilight movie? Didn’t we just have one of these, like, six months ago? We can’t have a new one already! How is that fair? I’ve only...
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The Twilight Saga in review
Yeah, it’s that time again. Another Twilight movie is upon us. Have we, as a species, been so unforgivable that we get this visited upon us? I guess so. Anyway, before you read my takedown of this...
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Monkey-nuts crazy: “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part One”
What the hell was that? I mean, prior installments of the Twilight saga have merely been stupid, poorly-acted, shabbily-directed, and contained offensive and downright disturbing subtexts. Never...
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